I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Two words: nipple clamps
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