No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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