i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
