My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
