I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Best friends brother. Beat that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
