I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
