i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's rum buckets o'clock
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
