I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
