my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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