People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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