You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
