God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
