I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
