I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
