You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
