So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
