when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
