it wasn't lemon gatorade
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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