Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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