i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
