Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
