I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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