How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
