Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
