No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize