No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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