Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
