I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
