The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
