Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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