conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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