another moral hangover. fuck.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
