I'm sorry my penis didn't work
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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