I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
