woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
