cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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