my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
