we have pet lesbian snakes
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I could fuck to npr.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
