he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
