i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
