Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
