my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
