It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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