ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
