Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
