I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
