had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize