Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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