watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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