If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
