it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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