Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
