I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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