I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
