did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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