she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
