I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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