so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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