Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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