to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize