I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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