That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
