just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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