When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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