hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
