my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
