sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
