How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
