My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
