take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize