I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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