I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He felt like a one man threesome
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
