I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want to be your penis for a week.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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