could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
