just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
